If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you had me at cake vodka
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
