im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
