yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
