I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
