Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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