theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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