i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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