My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
