do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
