no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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