Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
