Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
