Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
