I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
