u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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