And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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