dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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