Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
