Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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