I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
