I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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