Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
