you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
