he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
