I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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