My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do vagina's smell?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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