If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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