I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
