So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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