Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
