Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
