just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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