I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
