She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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