He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
