Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
