I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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