I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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