So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
