yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
