the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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