Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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