Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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