hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
