Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
