Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
