I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
