Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She bit a glass in half.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
false alarm, still single
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
