So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
