i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
