I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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