I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
